yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The uberlube is also flammable
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My feet surprised me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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