i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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