Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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