Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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