My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
