her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
