I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
