did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
