I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
