i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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