i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
