i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
