either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
