She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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