Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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