Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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