Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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