Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
