Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
