i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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