It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
