Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
