lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
