I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
