rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
