Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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