i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
