The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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