The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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