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There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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