Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
