i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
