after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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