I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
