She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
