why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
