I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
