Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
