I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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