I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
