its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
