this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
