Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
