Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
