oh god the rape fog is back!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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