Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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