Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
