R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
