You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
