I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
