I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
