you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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