i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
