Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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