Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
